Dwoskin Picks a Peck of Pickled Peppers
POSTED BY BK
This friend of my parents, Marc Dwoskin, is very into pickling stuff. An excellent hobby in my book and earns him immediate credibility with me. So every year he pickles a new vintage of peppers (One might argue about using the term vintage for peppers. I think its fitting and appropriate. Clearly, they differ from year to year--same as wine. And I'd put a 2003 Dwoskin Hungarian Pepper up against a 1990 Chateau Margaux any day of the week). I'm not sure how many types of peppers he actually pickles, but the 3 types I'm familiar with are:
1) Hungarian--A larger, yellowish banana type pepper. Hot, but the mildest of the group. These are tremendous!
2) Jalapeno--You know what they are, but in pickled variety. Incredibly hot for my taste, but if cut into very small pieces and used in salads, turkey burgers, etc, they're very tasty.
3) Scotch Bonnet--Small little peppers, the hottest of the 3. I wish I was man enough to enjoy these, but the heat is pretty much unbearable to me (it's like the Equator in your mouth).
So basically Dwoskin goes down to the Eastern market in Detroit on the appropriate date every year and stocks up on that years inventory of peppers. He then goes through the pickling process (I'm foggy on these details) and stores the pickles in mason jars for what I believe is several months until they are at the appropriate condition for eating. He gave my Dad a couple jars a few years ago, when he expressed some interest, and my Dad has become the equivalent of a Crack addict (not that I'm criticizing this) with these peppers ever since. He introduced my brother and I to them and we both fell in love also (although, admittedly, I can only eat them in moderation, whereas my Dad literally could cut them up at 7 AM and put them on his breakfast cereal).
During that first honeymoon year, Dwoskin was always good to our family, keeping our refrigerators stocked with his peppers (One might argue that he seemed to be a little stingy with the Hungarians, always claiming "that he didn't have any". But again, his hobby is PICKLING. So I'm certainly going to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one). So Dwoskin would hook us up with our pepper stash, the only caveat being that we return his mason jars upon completion (as solid a deal as one could ask for). As the new season was nearing, Dwoskin approached his best customer (my Dad) to make the pilgrimmage to the Eastern market to help shop for the upcoming vintage. To me this would be a terrific experience and also a great opportunity. You'd think it would be the equivalent of a wine connoisseur getting a trip to Bordeaux or a cigar aficionado going to Havana. My Dad (who certainly qualifies as a pepper guru), however, declined the invitation, not wanting to get up at the crack of dawn to take part in this activity. I questioned this decision back then and my same issues remain today. My issues with the decision, in no particular order:
-He was running the risk of putting our pepper supply in jeopardy. My Dad's thought process was, why should I help with the legwork and learn the nuances of the pickling process, when I can just continue to enjoy the spoils of Dwoskin's largesse? At that time, every time he returned a mason jar to Dwoskin, he was given a full one back in return (kind of like Netflix, but this service was free and he never got a movie/pepper that he didn't like). It was the perfect set up. Where my Dad was misguided is that he believed that this sweet deal would continue indefinitely with no strings attached. I advised him that even if he didn't want to go, it was worth sucking it up for one morning to ensure that you're grandfathered in for unlimited peppers for the entire year's vintage. Seemed like a small price to pay. I felt that by turning down Dwoskin's invitation, he was exposing us to the risk of potentially offending and alienating Dwoskin, and possibly cutting off our supply at the source. He wouldn't hear of it though, he thought these concerns were unfounded.
-IT WAS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET A DAY OF ALONE TIME WITH DWOSKIN!!! Now I don't know Dwoskin that well, but from what I do know of him that doesn't seem like a bad thing. First of all, they are both decent looking, middle aged Jewish guys with good hair. They both have a little bit of paunch and girth to them. Plus they have at least one shared interest (Peppers). The only thing my Dad was giving up on this Saturday morning, was a walk down to the end of the driveway in his robe to get the Free Press, a cup of coffee, a crossword puzzle and a few phone calls to me. He could of probably politely done all these things throughout his morning with Dwoskin. Clearly it was a missed opportunity.
-It was a chance to get an inside look at how great pickling goes down. Dwoskin was offering the Keys to the Castle and my Dad wasn't willing to stop by and pick up the envelope. Now a few words about my Dad. He doesn't have a lot of hobbies per se. He enjoys talking on his cell phone, checking voicemail, reading the Buckeye Sports Bulletin (BSB), doing crossword puzzles, watching sports, going to Costco and doing airport runs. Thats about it. The only other hobbies involve food. He enjoys mustards and sauces as much as any Kaplan, he's tinkered in creating dry rubs, he likes barbequing and derives as much pleasure as is humanly possible by getting a good sear on a piece of fish or meat. So clearly, pickling would fit right into this category and would only enhance his repertoire. This is a craft that he could pass down to his children and grandchildren. If something (god forbid) ever happened to Dwoskin, he'd be next in line to take over the operation. I just don't see the downside.
So anyway, my Dad didn't go that day and as predicted the relationship soured. Sure, we get the occassional jar here and there, but it was never like that first magical year again. I don't know how to contact Dwoskin directly, but for anyone that may have his email that reads this ridiculous blog, if you could please forward this message to Dwoskin for me I'll be forever indebted to you. Thanks in advance.
Dwoskin--
I don't say it enough, but I'm very fond of your work and have been for several years. I know that my Dad didn't turn out to be the apprentice that you were looking for and I want to right that. I will be the Anakin Skywalker to your Obi Wan Kenobi (except that I won't turn against you and annihilate the entire Pepper Pickling population). You let me know the date for the next trip to the Eastern Market and I will make the necessary travel arrangements to be in Detroit on that date (I will pay for my own transportation and lodging). I promise to be up and ready to go at whatever hour you ask. I'd like to learn the entire process start to finish and can take a leave of absence from work to spend time in your basement watching the peppers pickle over time (The only thing I ask is that you have a good TV with cable and ample snacks and beverages available in the fridge). I eagerly await your response and look forward to building a long and mutually rewarding relationship pickling peppers, united as one.
I Remain,
Brad Kaplan
Soon to be Apprentice to Dwoskin, Pickling God
*I don't have a picture of Dwoskin to post and really wish I did. I put it out there that I thought he looked like Neil Lefton (particularly the same great curly hairdo). I was forcefully told by an unnamed source that, "He looks nothing like Neil Lefton!!!!" So even though I have no picture and can't really describe what Dwoskin looks like, we can safely say that the next time you see Neil Lefton, you'll know that's not what Dwoskin looks like. I'm just going to say that Dwoskin is easy on the eyes and we'll leave it at that.
This friend of my parents, Marc Dwoskin, is very into pickling stuff. An excellent hobby in my book and earns him immediate credibility with me. So every year he pickles a new vintage of peppers (One might argue about using the term vintage for peppers. I think its fitting and appropriate. Clearly, they differ from year to year--same as wine. And I'd put a 2003 Dwoskin Hungarian Pepper up against a 1990 Chateau Margaux any day of the week). I'm not sure how many types of peppers he actually pickles, but the 3 types I'm familiar with are:
1) Hungarian--A larger, yellowish banana type pepper. Hot, but the mildest of the group. These are tremendous!
2) Jalapeno--You know what they are, but in pickled variety. Incredibly hot for my taste, but if cut into very small pieces and used in salads, turkey burgers, etc, they're very tasty.
3) Scotch Bonnet--Small little peppers, the hottest of the 3. I wish I was man enough to enjoy these, but the heat is pretty much unbearable to me (it's like the Equator in your mouth).
So basically Dwoskin goes down to the Eastern market in Detroit on the appropriate date every year and stocks up on that years inventory of peppers. He then goes through the pickling process (I'm foggy on these details) and stores the pickles in mason jars for what I believe is several months until they are at the appropriate condition for eating. He gave my Dad a couple jars a few years ago, when he expressed some interest, and my Dad has become the equivalent of a Crack addict (not that I'm criticizing this) with these peppers ever since. He introduced my brother and I to them and we both fell in love also (although, admittedly, I can only eat them in moderation, whereas my Dad literally could cut them up at 7 AM and put them on his breakfast cereal).
During that first honeymoon year, Dwoskin was always good to our family, keeping our refrigerators stocked with his peppers (One might argue that he seemed to be a little stingy with the Hungarians, always claiming "that he didn't have any". But again, his hobby is PICKLING. So I'm certainly going to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one). So Dwoskin would hook us up with our pepper stash, the only caveat being that we return his mason jars upon completion (as solid a deal as one could ask for). As the new season was nearing, Dwoskin approached his best customer (my Dad) to make the pilgrimmage to the Eastern market to help shop for the upcoming vintage. To me this would be a terrific experience and also a great opportunity. You'd think it would be the equivalent of a wine connoisseur getting a trip to Bordeaux or a cigar aficionado going to Havana. My Dad (who certainly qualifies as a pepper guru), however, declined the invitation, not wanting to get up at the crack of dawn to take part in this activity. I questioned this decision back then and my same issues remain today. My issues with the decision, in no particular order:
-He was running the risk of putting our pepper supply in jeopardy. My Dad's thought process was, why should I help with the legwork and learn the nuances of the pickling process, when I can just continue to enjoy the spoils of Dwoskin's largesse? At that time, every time he returned a mason jar to Dwoskin, he was given a full one back in return (kind of like Netflix, but this service was free and he never got a movie/pepper that he didn't like). It was the perfect set up. Where my Dad was misguided is that he believed that this sweet deal would continue indefinitely with no strings attached. I advised him that even if he didn't want to go, it was worth sucking it up for one morning to ensure that you're grandfathered in for unlimited peppers for the entire year's vintage. Seemed like a small price to pay. I felt that by turning down Dwoskin's invitation, he was exposing us to the risk of potentially offending and alienating Dwoskin, and possibly cutting off our supply at the source. He wouldn't hear of it though, he thought these concerns were unfounded.
-IT WAS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET A DAY OF ALONE TIME WITH DWOSKIN!!! Now I don't know Dwoskin that well, but from what I do know of him that doesn't seem like a bad thing. First of all, they are both decent looking, middle aged Jewish guys with good hair. They both have a little bit of paunch and girth to them. Plus they have at least one shared interest (Peppers). The only thing my Dad was giving up on this Saturday morning, was a walk down to the end of the driveway in his robe to get the Free Press, a cup of coffee, a crossword puzzle and a few phone calls to me. He could of probably politely done all these things throughout his morning with Dwoskin. Clearly it was a missed opportunity.
-It was a chance to get an inside look at how great pickling goes down. Dwoskin was offering the Keys to the Castle and my Dad wasn't willing to stop by and pick up the envelope. Now a few words about my Dad. He doesn't have a lot of hobbies per se. He enjoys talking on his cell phone, checking voicemail, reading the Buckeye Sports Bulletin (BSB), doing crossword puzzles, watching sports, going to Costco and doing airport runs. Thats about it. The only other hobbies involve food. He enjoys mustards and sauces as much as any Kaplan, he's tinkered in creating dry rubs, he likes barbequing and derives as much pleasure as is humanly possible by getting a good sear on a piece of fish or meat. So clearly, pickling would fit right into this category and would only enhance his repertoire. This is a craft that he could pass down to his children and grandchildren. If something (god forbid) ever happened to Dwoskin, he'd be next in line to take over the operation. I just don't see the downside.
So anyway, my Dad didn't go that day and as predicted the relationship soured. Sure, we get the occassional jar here and there, but it was never like that first magical year again. I don't know how to contact Dwoskin directly, but for anyone that may have his email that reads this ridiculous blog, if you could please forward this message to Dwoskin for me I'll be forever indebted to you. Thanks in advance.
Dwoskin--
I don't say it enough, but I'm very fond of your work and have been for several years. I know that my Dad didn't turn out to be the apprentice that you were looking for and I want to right that. I will be the Anakin Skywalker to your Obi Wan Kenobi (except that I won't turn against you and annihilate the entire Pepper Pickling population). You let me know the date for the next trip to the Eastern Market and I will make the necessary travel arrangements to be in Detroit on that date (I will pay for my own transportation and lodging). I promise to be up and ready to go at whatever hour you ask. I'd like to learn the entire process start to finish and can take a leave of absence from work to spend time in your basement watching the peppers pickle over time (The only thing I ask is that you have a good TV with cable and ample snacks and beverages available in the fridge). I eagerly await your response and look forward to building a long and mutually rewarding relationship pickling peppers, united as one.
I Remain,
Brad Kaplan
Soon to be Apprentice to Dwoskin, Pickling God
*I don't have a picture of Dwoskin to post and really wish I did. I put it out there that I thought he looked like Neil Lefton (particularly the same great curly hairdo). I was forcefully told by an unnamed source that, "He looks nothing like Neil Lefton!!!!" So even though I have no picture and can't really describe what Dwoskin looks like, we can safely say that the next time you see Neil Lefton, you'll know that's not what Dwoskin looks like. I'm just going to say that Dwoskin is easy on the eyes and we'll leave it at that.
Labels: POSTED BY BRADLEY M. KAPLAN
posted by BK at 9:45 PM
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