Stockard Channing has a Twin--Look Out!
Last May, I said aloha (in the goodbye sense) to my corporate job and decided to go back to school and take on the oh-so highly coveted position of the nanny; CEO for five-year-olds.
Luckily for me, my best friend Lauren is a nursery school teacher. Her ability to network nanny positions is basically comparable to Donald Trump's ability to network in the real estate world. I had a job before she even put the "Best Friend of Miss Reiswerg" flier on the wall.
My new job was for a family that moved to Chicago from New York a year earlier. Up until this point, I was under the impression that I had grown up pretty lucky. Mind you, I still think that, but this nanny job provided me insight into a whole new world of spoiled.
The children, a four-year-old boy and a five-year-old girl, were very intelligent kids with wonderful potential and solid futures ahead of them. They also individually had at least five times the clothes than any member of my family. Although I have many more examples of why these kids lived in this world I had never known, I don't want to lose sight of what, actually who, I am writing this blog about. The mother.
Her name is Sharon. Honestly, I used to think you had to meet her in order to explain what kind of a person she was. Then I realized I was giving her way too much credit. When Sharon hired me at the end of April, she very adamantly explained that their was one component of my job that was MOST important to her; her annual trip to the Hamptons in August. It was pertinent for me to be there with her, helping out with the children. I wondered how I had never heard of the concept of bringing two babysitters on vacation when there were already four capable adults to watch three children.
Let's just say, the trip to the Hamptons was a paid trip for me to bask in the sun while the kids went to camp from 8-3. I would think an investment banker with a college degree from NYU would be able to crunch numbers a little bit better.
The trip ended with a shit storm, when I learned that Sharon and her family decided not to come back to Chicago, but to stay in New York...ultimately. It was lovely also to receive the news two days before they were supposed to come back to Chicago, from her husband whom I had exchanged about ten words with.
Since then, I have tried to maintain contact with Sharon, simply because I cared about the well being of her children. Often times my attempts to contact her were in response to something she initiated, but her general trend was no response or a response that was followed by a favor she needed of me.
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but when someone spent months with your children and expressed legitimate interest in their lives in a completely non-pedafile way, you would want to maintain contact with them. You would also think that when someone (me) knows that you sleep with your Blackberry taped to your pillow (her), you would respond.
Today I changed my email. I forwarded a message to all of my old contacts, including good old Sharon. Below are an archive of emails between us today. Enjoy!
From: Sharon
To: Me
How are you? Why the change in email?
From: Me
To: Sharon
Hi!
I'm good...how are you? How are the kids and everything in New York? I miss them!! No big reason for the change...just everyone always leaves out the "d" and I'm applying for teaching jobs for the fall so wanted to make it more concise. When are you coming to visit?
From: Sharon
To: Me
Request from sam and ryan
1 - sweet mandee bee cookie And one chocolate cupcake with pink frosting. How can we make it happen?
From: Me
To: Sharon
Yeah so I'm going to be a teacher. I know you must be so excited for me, since you've made it clear how much you care about my well being. It's hard to find someone who is so interested in my life and makes it so obvious that they put everyone else before themselves. You must get that all the time though.
As far as the cupcakes, I would suggest you tell your children, who you have turned into obnoxious spoiled brats, that you live in New York City! Perhaps you should remind them, as you reminded me, that New York is better than Chicago not only in some ways, but in every way. There is nothing good about Chicago, other than the nice people, who stupidly gave you the benefit of the doubt.
I guess that was overdoing it a little bit, I will retract. If you have already falsely promised your children the baked goods, as I'm sure you have because we know you love a bribe, I have an alternate plan for you. Call Sweet Mandy B's---I think you could probably get the number from Google. I'm pretty sure they could overnight you some treats, on yourself, as I don't have money to be spending on your frivilous necessities. They will probably require a minimum amount of goodies, since they are shipping them to you out of state. Seeing that I am pretty familiar with their inventory, mainly from the months I spent parenting your children, I would suggest getting one of their cakes. You may as well make them write something on the cake, just for fun. I've got something perfect.
GO FUCK YOURSELF (and don't forget the exclamation point).
Luckily for me, my best friend Lauren is a nursery school teacher. Her ability to network nanny positions is basically comparable to Donald Trump's ability to network in the real estate world. I had a job before she even put the "Best Friend of Miss Reiswerg" flier on the wall.
My new job was for a family that moved to Chicago from New York a year earlier. Up until this point, I was under the impression that I had grown up pretty lucky. Mind you, I still think that, but this nanny job provided me insight into a whole new world of spoiled.
The children, a four-year-old boy and a five-year-old girl, were very intelligent kids with wonderful potential and solid futures ahead of them. They also individually had at least five times the clothes than any member of my family. Although I have many more examples of why these kids lived in this world I had never known, I don't want to lose sight of what, actually who, I am writing this blog about. The mother.
Her name is Sharon. Honestly, I used to think you had to meet her in order to explain what kind of a person she was. Then I realized I was giving her way too much credit. When Sharon hired me at the end of April, she very adamantly explained that their was one component of my job that was MOST important to her; her annual trip to the Hamptons in August. It was pertinent for me to be there with her, helping out with the children. I wondered how I had never heard of the concept of bringing two babysitters on vacation when there were already four capable adults to watch three children.
Let's just say, the trip to the Hamptons was a paid trip for me to bask in the sun while the kids went to camp from 8-3. I would think an investment banker with a college degree from NYU would be able to crunch numbers a little bit better.
The trip ended with a shit storm, when I learned that Sharon and her family decided not to come back to Chicago, but to stay in New York...ultimately. It was lovely also to receive the news two days before they were supposed to come back to Chicago, from her husband whom I had exchanged about ten words with.
Since then, I have tried to maintain contact with Sharon, simply because I cared about the well being of her children. Often times my attempts to contact her were in response to something she initiated, but her general trend was no response or a response that was followed by a favor she needed of me.
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but when someone spent months with your children and expressed legitimate interest in their lives in a completely non-pedafile way, you would want to maintain contact with them. You would also think that when someone (me) knows that you sleep with your Blackberry taped to your pillow (her), you would respond.
Today I changed my email. I forwarded a message to all of my old contacts, including good old Sharon. Below are an archive of emails between us today. Enjoy!
From: Sharon
To: Me
How are you? Why the change in email?
From: Me
To: Sharon
Hi!
I'm good...how are you? How are the kids and everything in New York? I miss them!! No big reason for the change...just everyone always leaves out the "d" and I'm applying for teaching jobs for the fall so wanted to make it more concise. When are you coming to visit?
From: Sharon
To: Me
Request from sam and ryan
1 - sweet mandee bee cookie And one chocolate cupcake with pink frosting. How can we make it happen?
From: Me
To: Sharon
Yeah so I'm going to be a teacher. I know you must be so excited for me, since you've made it clear how much you care about my well being. It's hard to find someone who is so interested in my life and makes it so obvious that they put everyone else before themselves. You must get that all the time though.
As far as the cupcakes, I would suggest you tell your children, who you have turned into obnoxious spoiled brats, that you live in New York City! Perhaps you should remind them, as you reminded me, that New York is better than Chicago not only in some ways, but in every way. There is nothing good about Chicago, other than the nice people, who stupidly gave you the benefit of the doubt.
I guess that was overdoing it a little bit, I will retract. If you have already falsely promised your children the baked goods, as I'm sure you have because we know you love a bribe, I have an alternate plan for you. Call Sweet Mandy B's---I think you could probably get the number from Google. I'm pretty sure they could overnight you some treats, on yourself, as I don't have money to be spending on your frivilous necessities. They will probably require a minimum amount of goodies, since they are shipping them to you out of state. Seeing that I am pretty familiar with their inventory, mainly from the months I spent parenting your children, I would suggest getting one of their cakes. You may as well make them write something on the cake, just for fun. I've got something perfect.
GO FUCK YOURSELF (and don't forget the exclamation point).
Labels: POSTED BY LINDSAY KAPLAN
posted by Lindsay at 12:29 AM
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