Ginger Ale: The Rodney Dangerfield of Beverages

Diet Canada Dry. The mere mention of it makes my mouth water (in a good way). Cold (if refrigerated in advance, otherwise, not cold)*, effervescent, refreshing, light, good with food or as a stand alone beverage, not sweet and yet having just the right amount of sweetness. It is one of the truly perfectly crafted drinks. And did I mention effervescent? Brief pause for my internal conversation.............


(I did. I mentioned effervescent. Roughly 35 words ago. I'm sorry. I can't help it. What can I tell you--it's fun to say effervescent. I may name our next child Effervescent. Effervescent Kaplan. It sounds good for a boy or girl. Good luck selling that to the wife, Brad. Jackass.)

And we're back. What was I talking about again? Ginger Ale, right. Riveting stuff. I'll work on fixing the economy next week. In the meantime, let's tackle why Ginger Ale gets no respect (god, that's hokey).

Here's my problem. You can walk into any restaurant on the planet and get some type of diet cola drink. Yet I don't even have the confidence to ask a server for a diet ginger ale mainly because:

a) I don't want to be the victim of said server's disdain and/or mockery
b) I don't want to be perceived as "difficult" resulting in same said server tampering with my Turkey Club
c) It's a virtual certainty that they're not going to have it anyway

It's "c" that's the crying shame. Who do I blame for my outrage? That's what I need to get to the bottom of. I have 3 possible candidates so please indulge me as I breakdown their respective accountability and how they could (potentially) become less a part of the problem and more a part of the solution.

1) Restaurateurs/Chefs

I don't know that I can blame the restaurateurs entirely. I know of plenty of chefs that would love to highlight pork belly and offal on their menus. Unfortunately, they know that their rube customers would continue to order the same boring, mainstream dishes (IE. roasted chicken, filet, salmon, etc.) leaving the pork belly and offal unsold and unappreciated. It's a bad business move--so why bother trying? The same issues apply to diet ginger ale. It is indeed the calves pancreas (or sweetbreads for those of you scoring at home) of the soft drink world. It might be great, but in the end you have to cater to your customers' wants. You could say that the restaurateurs/chefs are the ones that need to start the grassroots effort to give ginger ale broader appeal. Unfortunately, we're not talking about sushi, foie gras or even sundried tomatoes. The restaurateurs are going to continue to push Diet Coke and my beloved Ginger Ale will have to take another angle to get its due.

2) The General Public (sorry, but that means you, buddy)

Can I blame the general public? It would be easy to take this route considering my overall dislike of the common man (No, I don't mean you, READER. As far as you're concerned, I'm talking about those other READERS. Believe that.) Seriously though, the general public are a bunch of sheep. Through peer pressure and (somewhat) sophisticated advertising, they are programmed on what to like. Society tells them that their beer of choice is Budweiser, their winemaker of choice is Ernest and Julio Gallo and their diet soft drink of choice is Diet Coke. They adhere to this unconditionally. It's stupid, but I can't say it's their fault. How do you bring the type of change that I'm looking for (besides getting Obama to advocate Ginger Ale. Yes He Can!)? Celebrities, baby! The only way to induce change in dumb, follower people is to enlist their even dumber heroes to shill to them. Britney, Paris, Girls from that Hills show--you're on the clock....

3) The Ginger Ale Muckety-Mucks

Here's the real culprit. What the hell have these guys been doing? They're like the old money guys. They created a delicious beverage around 100 years ago, have a nice niche following of loyal drinkers, do ok at the saloons when someone needs a mixer for their whiskey and continue to make a fortune without a whole lot of effort. But the fact remains, these guys haven't gotten off their asses in 50 years. Come on Ginger Ale executives. You're better than this! Get off those yachts and private golf courses and spread the gospel. Your drink should be in every refrigerator in the world. I shouldn't feel embarrassment going into my favorite dining establishment and ordering your delicious potable. I want you to reach into that war chest and recruit an army of salespeople that will recruit a navy of restaurateurs that will recruit an air force of chefs that will recruit a marine core of waiters to help champion this cause (my apologies to the coast guard for leaving them out of that sentence--it was getting too run-on-y). Or at the very least hire Britney (or Obama). Yes We Can!


*I suppose ice would also make a drink cold.