Say No to Snugs

Since I have exhausted my DVR and memorized every episode of Barefoot Contessa; (I officially know how to make a gratin out of everything from zucchini to Captain Crunch), I have discovered that even though we are almost to 2009 and at a height of technology, we are still being exposed to infomercials. I don't really get it. We have the Internet. You can shop online for anything you want. Our country is in a recession. Who is still calling a number to order excessive crap being sold over the television? It's always the same thing. The product is a value of $129.99, yet you're only paying $19.99. There's always the fine print below that the shipping and handling is more than the actual product. If you call RIGHT NOW, you will receive an additional product; only if you call within the next 37 seconds. I've seen countless European hair removers, knives that can cut cans, pancake puffers and magic stain erasers, but nothing and I mean nothing, tops The Snuggie. About a month ago was when it first surfaced. I was aimlessly surfing the Internet when an overenthusiastic male senior citizen caught my attention. The Snuggie is a blanket with sleeves. I'd go on to describe it more meticulously, but there is really nothing else to say. It is a blanket with sleeves. My initial reaction was, is this one of those Saturday Night Live spoof clips? What channel am I watching? Some idiot really woke up one morning and said, "I've got it! A blanket with sleeves!" Sure, I've had my share of invention ideas that I kept solely in my brain up until right now. The bathtub full of tiny holes so you press one button to fill it up faster, marker wipes for children that instantly remove marker stains. Don't even think about patenting these, they're mine dammit! Even more of an idiot is the "Snuggie Model" in the infomercial. This idiot is the idiot that demonstrates what you can do in a Snuggie that you could not possibly do with a regular blanket. "Talking on the phone, holding the TV remote and using your laptop are a breeze!" Are there seriously people out there that find it difficult to hold a remote control and keep a blanket over them at the same time? I mean those that are physically intact? I witnessed my three-year-old niece perform this very task two days ago. She must be a prodigy. Then there's the two adults playing backgammon in their Snuggies. Model #1 and her daughter reading a book. Model #1 pouring herself a cup of tea. As my brother so impeccably pointed out, "Have these people not heard of a sweatshirt?"