So Long, Jackass!

Parties come in many different forms and flavors. I am lucky enough to have been to everything from a Bar Mitzvah to a Blunt Mitzvah. I’ve come to realize, though, that there is one party that I just won’t ever completely understand. The Going Away Party. It’s not that I don’t get the concept: Hey, I’m going away so come get drunk and mourn my departure. What exactly do you do at a going away party? Basically you’re standing in line to talk to the person leaving about a dinner you went to with them two years ago that “seems like yesterday”. I just don’t get what you’re celebrating. I could see celebrating someone going away if you wanted them to go away, but then the person normally hosting the event probably wouldn’t be there. Can you imagine getting an Evite saying: Hey, that close talker with bad breath (have you noticed how those two characteristics go hand in hand, by the way) is moving to North Dakota! I know I’m not the only one excited! And to be safe, let’s have the party after they leave, just to make sure they don’t show up.